Reading

I have been reading like crazy this summer. I found a copy of last years syllabus for a class I am taking this fall and have started reading all the books on the list. I am actually reading more than I have to, but I figured it couldn't hurt and besides who knows if the syllabus will be changed. I am averaging around 3 books a week. I don't think I have read this much, ever. For the most part all the books are interesting. I am, however, skipping all the science fiction/fantasy books. I just can't get into them. I read one from the list and that was more then enough. I am nervous that the syllabus is going to be changed and one of the many (many) vampire books is going to be added to it. SO not looking forward to that happening.

So far I have liked all but two of the books, but there is an overlaying theme that really bugs me about young adult and even children's novels. The kids never seem to have good relationships with their parents. I realize that happens but I have yet to read any young adult book where the parents and child actually like each other. It makes me worried for the relationship that Blake will have with us. I realize these are just made up stories but authors get their inspiration somewhere.

Really I just need to quit worrying about Blake's future so much and start living more in the present. I just want his life to be as perfect as I can make it, I don't ever want to see him unhappy because I made a mistake that could have been prevented. I don't want him to live the kind of unhappy school years I had or have low self-esteem if I can prevent it at all. I have many other more serious worries too which is kind of crazy. If I am worrying about all of this now when he isn't even one I don't know what I will do when he is a teenager and doing a heck of a lot more then trying to figure out how to walk.

I have been trying to focus my attention on his birthday party in order to take my mind off other things. Today N and I looked for monster fabric but were unable to find any. I have two more fabric stores in town to try and one of them is Wal-mart, which I don't know if they still sell fabric and I don't really want to go there. I guess we will see what happens. I have also started his banner which is turning out very well so far.

Birthdays, Blue Eyes and Sleep

I have been trying to start planning Blake's 1st birthday party so I could get a bunch of it done before school starts up. So far the hardest part was figuring out where to have it. October is just to iffy for the weather to have it outside. But we found a place that should work. Now I just need to get the decorations and food figured out which is the fun and easy part. The not so easy part, deciding what to get him for a gift. There are so many toys I want him to have and it's really hard to narrow it down to just the very best. Thankfully we have plenty of time.

Blake isn't likely to have blue eyes for much longer. Sometimes they still look blue but they mostly look green or brown now. Although I never thought he would have blue eyes it's still said that they are changing. I liked his blue eyes but I am sure they will look good however they end up.

No one in this house is getting any sleep. Not even the dog. He can barely drag himself out of bed to go to the bathroom in the mornings. We (stupidly) tried changing Blake's formula to a regular formula which failed, and bad. So that and some more teeth have really been making him sleep poorly. We probably shouldn't have taken away his pacifier because he would really still like to have it back but hopefully one day he will learn to sleep better without it.

I haven't been able to sleep it either, which really sucks when you are woken up by a baby still. I don't know what to do to fix it but I sure hope I figure something out because I am really tired.



Trying out his big boy car seat.

First Haircut

Strawberries

Today we went strawberry picking. It was a lot of fun and a lot of work. Plus it was hot. We were able to pick 14 lbs. though which we are going to have turned into jam. Blake was really good considering it was during his normal nap time. He sat on some straw between the rows and played with a couple of his toys (and tried to sneak some grass to eat too).

Blake his been crawling and pulling up like crazy. He is a fantastic army crawler and just about has the regular hand and knees crawling down. He would probably know how to do that better but he spends the majority of his time pulling himself up onto any furniture he can find. He really likes the coffee table at the house where I work. Tonight he was crawling so much before bed his knees were very red. I also had to move him up to 12 month pajamas.

Having him so close to walking and wearing bigger clothes plus seeing some other babies turning one makes me really sad that he is almost one. Thinking about it makes me all sad and a little anxious, but I have NO idea why. I can't wait for him to be a toddler. So he will grow out of some of these baby things that have been so hard to deal with. All the naps, the fussiness, crying all the time, the bottles, waking up at night; I know it doesn't all go away the day he turns one but it will be a lot less (I hope). I am already trying to think about what we will do for his first birthday. October is such a weird month to plan something for. There is no way of knowing what the weather will be like so we will have to plan something indoors which kind of sucks. Either way our little baby is much of a baby anymore.

Baby Food

Baby food, especially organic baby food is pretty expensive considering what it is. I know I should probably just feed him more table food but he wouldn't get as much variety that way. So we tried to make our own baby food. It took us about two hours and made a huge mess.

All the produce we used to make the food.


Carrots from the Farmer's Market. We also used organic carrots from the grocery store.

All chopped up.

In the steamer.

The carrots after we blended them. We left both kinds of carrots plain.

Yellow Squash

I think we added rice to some of the squash, we made so much I don't really remember though.

Leeks and potatoes that we add peas to later on.

We also made broccoli and rice, acorn sqaush apples and rice and blueberries (although Ryan dropped half of the blueberries all over the kitchen floor).

Everything all done and freezing.

I don't know that we will be making baby food again. It didn't save us any money in fact we probably spent the same as if we had bought this pre-made and it took us a lot more time. There is also less variety and its a pain. I have to remember to defrost what ever I want to use, which I haven't remembered to do yet this week. He has eaten the jars that I didn't freeze and I will say I tried them and they aren't very good. He didn't like one of them AT ALL, it was either the leeks and potatoes or the squash but I wasn't sure which one it was because the all look about the same. He didn't like the broccoli that much but he didn't fight eating it.

I have given him a lot more table food lately. He LOVES puffs, he tried some mild cheese and tomatoes this week and seemed to like both. Tonight he had pasta in tomato sauce with beef and enjoyed it. It was really funny watching him chew up all the little noodles. He is much of a fan of yogurt which is to bad. He doesn't like to take his formula that much anymore so I like to give him yogurt for the calories and protein. Hopefully it will grow on him, however I can't blame him organic yogurt has a really weird consistency which seems to determine if he likes something more than the taste of it.

I think if someone has plenty of time I would recommend making baby food but if you don't, like us, I don't think it's worth the effort.

8 Months!

Blake is 8 months old today! He has changed so much in the last month. He has 4 new teeth with more still coming. He loves to sit and reach for things. He has been working on crawling for the past week or so. He can army crawl and he gets up on his hands and knees a lot, he still chooses to roll a lot of places though. He loves to chew on EVERYTHING! Especially furniture, dirty tables and highchairs at restaurants, people's shoes or feet so mostly gross things. Which means he is already starting to learn the word no. He really enjoys playing with his toys now and will do so by himself which I think is a major accomplishment, he is not one for alone play. He loves his 3 friends at work and enjoys playing with them. He loves to be outside and he loves to play with George or any other dogs we come across. He is starting to try and ween himself from formula and loves to eat anything we give him that he can feed himself. He has gotten to be a lot of fun and both Ryan and I are having fun watching him grow and change.

Unfortunately he can't sleep that great and cries a lot when he is put down. It has been very hard for me to deal with but we keep trying and hopefully sleeping will continue to improve.

Blah

I have been trying to think of something interesting to write about for almost two weeks now. Still haven't thought of anything... All we have been doing is trying to keep the house together, going to work, and taking care of baby. He has been getting more and more mobile every day. Last week he started crawling and will do it now and again. He is starting to army crawl more regularly but most of the time he just rolls to get what he wants or sits and cries until someone gets it for him. He has also started showing an interest in pulling himself up on furniture but usually he doesn't get far because he would rather chew on whatever he is by. He also started clapping and loves to do it, but apparently only for me. If anyone else tries to get him to he looks at them like they are crazy. Too bad though its pretty cute when he does it.

We also have moved him up to stage 3 foods. I know that doesn't mean much but I try to thicken his food and he gets lots of finger foods to try. He is doing better getting things in his mouth and really enjoys eating different foods. He is also apparently trying to ween himself off the bottle. He refuses to eat more then 4 oz most of the time and is phasing he is middle of the night feeding out. This has been good because then no one (well Ryan) has to get up with him and the less he eats the less he throws up, but he isn't getting the recommended amount of formula. I am trying not to be too concerned right now because he eats his solids well but it would be nice if he would eat a bit more.

Brat Fest

4 Teeth + A Cold = 1 Crabby Baby

Teeth

Blake has been teething since March when he got his first tooth (well probably longer...). He now has at least two teeth coming out and possibly two more, all in the top gums. He is a total mess. His gums are so swollen that nothing seems to make him happy. I sure hope if there is four of them they hurry up and all get out because all 4 of us need some sleep, and maybe a break from the drool too.

Baby Food

Last Monday I had to go buy baby food because we were almost out. It can be hard to find organic baby food sometimes and ever since we moved away from or beloved Super Target it's taken a lot more of an effort then it did before. So after some formula, diapers and a present for Blake because of his surgery I had spent close to $40 on baby food. $40!? I was a little annoyed it's only mashed up food, so I thought I will make my own. Of course I already have a book about it so I started reading up on it. Even though everyone says its really easy it sure looks like a lot of work. But I think I am going to try to make at least some of his food. I think it might be hard to get in the variety that he is able to get with the already made baby food. Like eating mango's for instance. I was reading about someone else's attempts at baby food and it was suggested to add avocado with banana, which I would have never thought of, but we may try that this weekend. I'd really like for Blake to eat avocado because it has lots of good things in it.

He has also been eating a lot of solid table foods. He LOVES rice, and is getting better at trying to grab food and get it in his mouth. We went to a African restaurant on Friday evening and he was eating some of their bread and potatoes, he couldn't get enough. The only problem with table foods is he would much rather have something from my plate then anything I put in front of him. But he also tried Cheerios today and was having more success at getting that into his mouth.

So, I have probably lost anyone who was reading this since I haven't been making any posts, but now that school is just about done I hope to keep up with this. Blake is having surgery tomorrow to correct his hypospadia (please don't google, I saw some pictures I really didn't need to see when I did). Basically he is getting circumcised and straightened out. It should go well and it's an outpatient procedure but I am not looking forward to taking him into the operating room. It is going to be hard but thankfully he won't remember anything. Unfortunately we have to be there at 6:15 but hopefully everything is going well and we will be done by the afternoon. We will have to find him a new pug toy to add to his collection...or is that Ryan's collection?




I seem to have passed (or will pass) all of my classes this semester. I am debating if I want to continue in school or not. I feel like I missed a lot with Blake, other family things and with the kids I work with. The only thing keeping me in school is that I have no idea what I will do if I don't finish. Ryan is more than likely transferring schools, so if he gets in this could be a very good thing.

As for my goals this year, I don't even remember what they were and am way off track. I am hoping to use this next weekend to re-organize myself and start a plan for the rest of 2010. Our family needs to make some changes and now we have the time to do it.

Update

I have so many ideas on things to write but no time to do it in. I am trying my best to get though school. It's amazing how much I can get done now that Blake takes two naps while he is at work with me. Sometimes I don't know what to do with myself or the girls now that I don't have a baby in my arms all day. But unfortunately I am already behind in one of my classes and I am not sure if I will be able to get on track or not. You have to get a B in order to pass and right now I am getting a B-. I am not use to having + and - because we didn't have them in undergrad so this kind of sucks. Thankfully I only have 3 weeks left so hopefully I can get this done and start enjoying my job and family a whole lot more.

Blake is doing pretty well. He takes naps for me,not so much for his dad, and is working at sitting up. He can sit by himself for a minute or two but he loves to throw himself backwards which is no good when you are practicing on hardwood floors. Hopefully he will get the hang of it soon. He is also VERY interested in food. I will let him try what I am eating because he cries and cries for it but then he never likes it. I think he has a huge issue with textures so it will be interesting to see what he does in the next few months.

Ferber

So, Blake has officially been sleep trained successfully. I feel bad about this whole thing but it worked and I am trying to keep that in mind. There are plenty of people that I talk to that tell me I have to let him cry, and I have to make him do basically whatever it is I want him to do. Then there are just as many people who say that you should only do what the baby wants and they would never make their child do something they don't want to. So of course this makes me feel guilty (but really what doesn't?).

We started last week by moving Blake's bassinet into his crib, so he was still sleeping swaddled with towels on either side of him in the bassinet. He did that for two nights. Then on Friday night we started doing what Ferber recommends which is to establish a bedtime routine (we already had done that awhile ago)then lay him in his crib drowsy but awake and leave. I should have taken his binky away buy I couldn't do it so he still gets it but we don't put it back in once it falls out. After we left he was quiet for a few minutes then started to cry. After three minutes of crying I went in to try and soothe him but not pick him up. It was incredibly hard, I was able to resist picking him up even though he cried a lot more when he saw me but I wasn't able to resist giving him his binky. So he cried for another five minutes and I had Ryan go in, Blake wouldn't stop crying for Ryan either but at least we let him know we where there. Then Ryan was to go in in another five minutes but Blake feel asleep. We were both amazed at how fast he settled down. He did wake up three times that night, the first one he cried for 30 minutes and the other two he cried for maybe 15 minutes so one of us (usually Ryan because he was better about following the "rules") went in so Blake knew we where there and he wasn't alone. Then he slept until almost eight.

Every night since then he has gone down with out crying AT ALL! I can't believe it. Every night he just goes right to sleep. The last couple of nights he has cried but he never cries for more then a minute and goes back to sleep, unless he is hungry. He even slept in his pack-n-play for his Aunt Shannon today. So the next thing is to work on his schedule and get his naps on track. I think that they will be easy to do once I figure out what I want to do about them. Everyone in the house, including George, is getting a lot better sleep. I am glad that we finally made the switch.

Bunny Rabbit

1st Tooth

Blake has been sick since last Friday night. He has had a fever off and on and a horrible cough, so we decided to take him into urgent care tonight when he had another fever. While we were waiting for the doctor to come in Ryan found his first tooth! I was super excited, I thought he was teething but you never really know until a tooth actually comes in. It is still hard to see but you can feel it. We also found out he has his first ear infection. I was really hoping he would go his first 6 months without getting sick other then the cold he had awhile back but we didn't quite make it. But at least we have some medication to help him feel better.

Unfortunately this whole being sick thing has delayed moving into our own room and into the crib. I am hoping by this weekend he will be feeling better and we can start the move. He is really getting too big for the bassinet and it's just not safe anymore.

PPA

I have postpartum anxiety; I feel like everybody already knows this but I am not sure who I have actually told. I have had anxiety for years and have learned different ways to deal with it but until now I never realized just how I dealt with it. Having a baby, a demanding baby at that, really shows you just what your life is all about. I really really like control. I am sure most people that now me probably think that is very obvious but I never realized just how much I controlled everything in my life until I couldn't control any of it.

I will say that PPA and PPD (postpartum depression) are nothing like having anxiety or depression not related to pregnancy. It feels so much more irrational then anything I have had to deal with before. For me I am so afraid that Blake is going to get hurt, die or have some sort of irreversible issue that will effect him for the rest of his life. For the first two weeks that we had him home I couldn't sleep because I was certain he was going to stop breathing. It got easier the older he got, now I feel like he is ok but I don't know what I am going to do when he goes into his own room. I won't be able to just know he is ok, he will be several feet and two doors away. What if the monitor doesn't work? What if I don't wake up? or he gets caught in the crib or something?

I try not to worry so much but it is really hard. I can't just change what I am doing and know that Blake will change too and I can stop worrying. I can't avoid putting him to sleep like I might avoid a situation that I don't feel comfortable with. At first it really bothered me to know I was having a hard time dealing with everything, but I am feeling better about it know. I am doing things to make the situation better and it is helping. I just hope that one day I can go back to not needing extra help. I don't care when that happens as long as it is sometime in the future. To me it is way more important to do whatever I have to do to provide Blake with the best life or situation possible. If I have to do something I wouldn't necessarily do on my own but it helps him out then its totally worth it.

5 Months

We have been super busy the last couple of weeks. We moved to a new place on top of everything else we have going on. Plus Blake turned 5 months! He is getting more and more fun every day. All of a sudden he has interest in playing, he grabs his toys and sucks on EVERYTHING! He loves to chew on fabric, his blankets, burp cloths anything. He is an expert at rolling over and is working so hard to sit up. He is great at sitting assisted and can sit on his own for around 20 seconds or so. We keep practicing to try and strengthen up those muscles.

We decided to up his foods because he has been having a hard time staying full, so the doctor suggested we try foods more often. She also gave us the ok to try stage 2 foods. Blake has also been trying to grab my food and drinks so we are trying finger foods too. So far he just looks at them and tries to pick it up but can't get it to his mouth. Besides if I put it in there he spits it out because he doesn't like the texture. So far he has tried to pick up peaches, pears, avocados and some organic cereal puffs. This week he finished trying out apples which is a stage one food. Then we tried green beans, turkey, and prunes. Prunes are also stage one but the rest are stage two. We will likely try chicken this weekend and some other fruits like blueberries and apricots. We are still doing purees until he is older and shows more interest and ability to pick up foods then I hope to move on to mostly finger foods. We ordered a book about feeding babies that I hope to get in the mail early next week. The doctor said there was some pretty good meals in there for us to try. Other then the fruit I gave him for finger foods Blake has still only had organic food. I am hoping to keep it up and make time to get some organic fresh fruit this week for myself so I can offer it to him as well.

We also started reading Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Dr. Ferber. I haven't gotten to far in it yet but so far it gives a lot of information about sleeping and sleep cycles. I may even learn how to take care of my own sleep problems with this book. Blake actually is only centimeters away from touching the top and bottom of his bassinet. There is no room in our bedroom for his bed so he will likely move into his room very soon. I am not ready for this at all and don't know how I am going to sleep with him in the other room. It makes me so nervous to even think that I won't be in the room while he is sleeping but I really have no choice at this point. I would have liked to wait until 6 months but I don't think he will make it that long in his current "bed". This afternoon I let him "fuss it out" and he has been taking a nap in the pack and play so maybe he will be able to learn to sleep in his crib too. Of course now we just need to get his father to put it together....

This week Blake also got to go to the park for the first time. He LOVED it. He went to the "bus park" with the kids and tried out the merry-go-round, the bouncing sheep and dog, and the bus. Today we went to Elver park and he tried a slide, we bounced on the bridge, and we tried out the swing together. He also loved watching all the traffic and feeling the wind blow his hair. I can't wait until he can sit up and we can play on more of the equipment. I also bought him a swimsuit today so we can hopefully go for a swim soon. It has pirate ships all over it, I wanted to buy the matching hat but it wasn't big enough. I may get him into swim lessons after his 6 month birthday but I need to check out the price first. Unfortunately the weather isn't suppose to be that nice this weekend but I am hoping it gets back to being warm again soon so we can keep going to parks to play and the dog parks with George.

If only this happened every day...

Time

I wish I could stop time and catch up on everything I need to do. We are moving in one week and nothing is packed. I have so much to do for my classwork and I have spent time that I really need to be doing for other things to keep up with it. I haven't seen much of my family this week trying to get everything done. I have never had a hard time with time management before so I have a hard time understanding why this is so hard right now. I hope to get through, but April really has me nervous; we have a LOT of things going on then. I just keep looking forward to May then things should settle down a bit. I just hope I can make until then.



Maybe if we could get a little more of this....